The Dutch v British Attitude to Personal Space

The Dutch and the British are different species when it comes to many things. And personal space is no exception. The British are all about personal space. However, the Dutch and personal space are not such good friends.

Let’s Start with Elevator Etiquette

Have you ever been stuck with a Brit in a lift? Chances are it was a peaceful affair but quite possibly with an air of awkwardness. In other words, if you ride the elevator with a Brit don’t expect it to be an animated journey up or down the building.

When I moved to the Netherlands it took me some months to get over my initial culture shock when it came to Dutch elevator etiquette. People actually talk to each other. In the lift. 

I was floored by the greetings as I got in and out of a lift from fellow users. Dutch people say hello to each other as they step into the lift, and goodbye as they leave. This all sounds quite reasonable doesn’t it? Until you understand I spent the previous two decades perfecting the art of avoiding eye contact in the ‘lift zone’.

No eye contact as you enter a lift means that no other party exists in the ‘lift zone’, hence eliminating the need to make small talk with strangers or acknowledging their uncomfortable presence encroaching on personal space. 

The Dutch embrace the lack of personal space. Wholeheartedly.

Because let’s face it your run of the mill, average lift is rarely big enough to swing a cat, let alone enjoy your journey up or down a building in relative spatial luxury. And that fact alone makes a Brit very uncomfortable. The British value their personal space.

The Importance of Personal Space for a Brit

There is no backslapping and unnecessary hugging involved in standard British greetings. We Brits feel no need to be touchy feely with anyone other than our life partner, and sometimes not even then.

The British are often mistakenly seen as aloof, cold and uncaring. It’s a misconception, what we are is reserved. We keep it all in. But we like to keep it all in in a relatively spacious environment. Our personal space is critical to our wellbeing.

Hence an innocent setting like a lift takes us so far out of our comfort zone it’s actually painful to talk about. It’s a wonder that thousands of Brits are not in some kind of ‘lift therapy’ to help them cope with the traumas of travelling in close proximity to strangers in a confined box going up and down in the places they work or live. If you don’t believe me, touch a Brit’s arm as you come into a lift and then make small talk and watch him fight his way out of a closing elevator door.

It’s no coincidence that the TARDIS is a British creation.

It’s a Cultural Thing

The desire to attain the correct level of politeness that is an inherit part of British culture versus the need for personal space is a battle that every British lift user faces.

It’s like playing hide and seek with my toddler. My three year old thought if he huddled himself into a corner of our sofa with his face down we couldn’t see him because he couldn’t see us. The same applies to a Brit in a lift – if there is no eye contact and no greeting the personal space remains sacred.

It is of course not polite to completely ignore someone standing centimetres away, yet acknowledging that presence would mean sacrificing the illusion of personal space.

The Dutch on the other hand don’t mess about. They tell it like it is and they have no intention of pretending their fellow lift riders are invisible. Far from it, they are likely to come and stand next to you instead of utilising the entire space available to them.

The Dutch do this incidentally in restaurants too. The entire place may be empty but that table next to you will be exactly where the Dutch group will plonk themselves. It’s gezellig. Oh, and they do it on beaches too. Dutch and personal space? Nope, doesn’t exist.

So if you get into a lift with a Brit and he pretends you don’t exist don’t take it personally.

Further Reading

If you want to delve a little more into the culture of the British and English then I recommend reading:

Watching the English by Kate Fox. 

Bill Bryson’s Notes from a Small Island

Very British Problems is an amusing read, guaranteed to make you giggle and give you an insight into the British mind. 

An amusing guide to the British by Adam Fletcher.

Over to You

Noticed the Dutch attitude to personal space? For those of you living in or regularly visiting Britain have you experienced the need for personal space?