Marrying someone from another country? Marriage is an intricate relationship in the best of circumstances, but throw cultural and language differences into the mix and you may face issues that other couples simply don’t experience. Here are eight things to think about when you marry someone from another country.
1. Communication
When you marry someone whose mother tongue is not the same as yours you will have to work even harder at communication.
One of you will always be talking in your second language – and one, if not both of you, will invariably need to learn a new language.
When you are communicating in a second language it’s easy to miss nuances, take things the wrong way, misunderstand and not be able to get your point succinctly across. Sometimes you just can’t find the right words.
2. Paperwork is Part of Life
Wherever you move there is some element of bureaucracy involved when you marry a foreigner.
For me, a Brit marrying a Dutchman, it was no different, despite the gift of free movement of people as part of the EU. I had to go to the British Embassy and obtain an official document to show I wasn’t already married. And yes, it was as weird and complicated as it sounds.
For many others there is far more paperwork involved. Permission to live in a country. Permission to work in a country.
These processes can be stressful and highly frustrating (my first batch of documents were ‘lost’ when I was going through my resident permit application).
3. Cultural issues With the In-Laws
In-laws. Let’s face it, they can sometimes be a pain in the butt without culture issues playing their part.
Throw in a different language and the fact that you sit worlds apart when it comes to customs, backgrounds and culture and you have a recipe for a difficult relationship.
4. The Farewells
When you marry a foreigner at least one of you is likely to be living outside of the country where your extended family and friends live.
You are prone to saying farewell to loved ones more than you would like.
The incessant goodbyes never get any easier.
5. No Shared Cultural Past
When you marry a foreigner you soon find that you grew up in different worlds.
Your childhood pop, TV and sport icons were different.
Your schooling was different.
Home routines differed.
Food tastes dramatically diverge.
And those are just the small things.
You never realise how many country and culture specific references you make until you marry a foreigner and they look blankly at you whilst you reminisce of times gone by.
6. Grandparents
Should you choose to have children (and this is not directly related to marriage but simply having a foreign partner) then at least one set of grandparents is probably not living in the same country.
And that’s hard for everyone involved.
7. Everything Changes
The fact is that when you marry someone from a different country you give up everything you know and love.
It can be the small things like celebrating Bonfire Night.
It can be the big things, like speaking to others in your mother tongue.
8. Divorce
It’s a hard hitting fact that many marriages end in divorce. Marrying someone from another country certainly doesn’t make you immune from marriage problems.
It’s not something anyone likes to think about when you step into matrimony, but it makes sense to consider the consequences for you if the marriage ends in divorce. Particularly when there are children involved and you want to move back to your country of origin.
Amsterdam Mamas have some useful resources for anyone in the Netherlands in this difficult situation: Becoming a Single Parent Abroad, How to File for Divorce in the Netherlands and Moving With Children After a Divorce.
Reading Tip:Â Moving Overseas for Love: Expat or Local? Or Something in Between?
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