10 Hard Lessons Learnt on the Way to A Happy Life Abroad

It is impossible to move abroad and not learn things. A lot of things. I have learnt some things the hard way, but looking back I wouldn’t have it any other way. Every experience has helped shape me and the life I lead today.

 

I have reached a point of contentment and satisfaction with the life I have carved out overseas with my husband and three sons. But there is no denying there have been bumps in the road leading to the present day. There have been tough, tough days. But each bump is a lesson learnt. Here are ten…..

1. Habits can be broken

When you move to a new country the things you are used to doing, and the way you do them,  may no longer be acceptable, possible or feasible. It means changing what you do and how you do it.

2. Necessities can become unnecessary

All those foodstuffs you thought you could never live without? Turns out you can – with a little weaning and cold turkey. That particular shop you loved? When it’s no longer available to you the world doesn’t stop turning. You may miss things for a while, but eventually you move on. You learn to live without. You adapt.

10-hard-lessons-learnt-on-the-way-to-a-happy-life-abroad 10 Hard Lessons Learnt on the Way to A Happy Life Abroad

3. Every negative feeling has an end

If you move abroad you will go through culture shock, even seasoned expats who move from country to country.

It’s a lot easier going through a hard, negative period when you know those feelings will come to an end. It is part of the package that comes with living overseas.

4. Your way is not always the right way

The people in your host country may do things a little differently. They may turn everything you know on your head. And sometimes you find a better way of doing things.

5. For everything there is an alternative or a substitute

Can’t get something you deem essential? Ask around and someone will know about a secret ingredient that can work as a replacement for you.

6. Adapt or wither

You cannot move to a new country and expect life to carry on as it was.

And truth be told, if that is what you want why move in the first place?

If you don’t change your mindset, embrace change, and adapt to your environment you will lose a little piece of yourself every day until you realise you have withered away to a shadow of your former self.

Tough lesson, but true.

7. Go local

Learn the local language.

Being able to confidently communicate with the local people helps you adapt, feel at home and find your way around your new environment.

It makes everything a little less daunting and the idea of leaving the house a little less scary.

Learn about the history and culture of the new land you call home, even if it is a temporary home. If you know why things are the way they are it helps you accept the things that may be wildly different from life as you knew it.

Learn about the politics of your new home. You don’t need to engage, but a little understanding goes a long way.

8. Explore

There is a whole new world around you. Seeing new sights is uplifting. Exploring new places is invigorating. Go on an adventure in your new home. It’s one of the best ways to make yourself feel at home.

And you know all the best spots to take your visitors to when they come and see you.

9.Make friends

Make friends with the locals; they are your best tour guide, information source and linguist aides.

Make friends with other foreigners who have made your host country their home; they are the voice of experience and they know what you are going through.

10. Life abroad is not a holiday

Normal life continues at home or away with all its ups and downs. Moving overseas does not mean there is no more drama in your life, or that you can escape what happens back ‘home’.

Sometimes it can actually make problems worse as solving issues back in your home country is harder.

Or living abroad can create a whole new set of problems.

Living abroad is not an escape from life.

10-hard-lessons-learnt-on-the-way-to-a-happy-life-abroad-info 10 Hard Lessons Learnt on the Way to A Happy Life Abroad

 

33 comments

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Nerissa Muijs

Number 3 was the hardest for me; I didn't realise that the negative feelings would eventually go away. But when they did, life became great again.

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Amanda van Mulligen

Right with you there Nerissa – and I have seen it so often and watched really unhappy expats come out the other side and flourish. But it's hard when you have no idea most other expats go through the same thing. And that it does end.

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Julie A

So true in expat living, as well as in every day life in the motherland. Great list!

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Anne Canaveera

I agree with all your points ! For me number 10 is the hardest. Sometimes there are issues back home and it's not easy to be far away…

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Bronwen Strathie

Some great points thanks. My husband moved to Australia with me 17 years ago. We now have 2 kids and want yo move back to Scotland. Some valid points you have made. Will be checking back
Thanks
Bron

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Anonymous

for those of us who left blighty 20 years ago, the homesickness just grows and grows, and as statistics prove -60 percent of brits move back after 10 years (me included)

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The Bee's Knees

You have hit the nail on the head with all your observations. My Brit husband and I have lived in the US for 18 years and have 2 dual nationality “American” kids. No 7 is essential. By going local you feel at home so much more!

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The Bee's Knees

You have hit the nail on the head with all your observations. My Brit husband and I have lived in the US for 18 years and have 2 dual nationality “American” kids. No 7 is essential. By going local you feel at home so much more!

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Anonymous

#9 was the hardest for me. It took me a long time to convince my friends that if I wasn't saying something right I wish they would correct me. It wasn't rude, it would help me. And at some point I was going to have to communicate with a stranger and I'd really need to know what to say.

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Falguni

so true , when you make friends local, it helps to understand things better.

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Anonymous

Learn the language,explore, read books and enjoy! But the most important thing is to get your children settled and then understanding the host country fits into your life.w

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Becky

I think the last point is a good one- when you're living in another country, and you go on holiday and return back to your home and it feels like “aaaah, we're home”– then you know you've started to settle:).

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Bronwyn Joy

All true! Now if only we could get the kids to believe some of these…

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Chris Gerakiteys

Great list. I think Number three is a hard one too, and found it helps to see other people enjoying themselves in their new life, it kind of puts it in perspective. Thanks

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Anonymous

As an expat, while you are dealing with your adaptation, sad news come from home. The first years you make it back home to visit your old relative, later you make it to a funeral to another one, and then you can't or don't even go to say the final goodbye. Or the worst thing, you don't even receive a phone call. Then you grieve with your loss, and also to the realization that you are not part of that home anymore…

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Padraig Elliot

The last one can be summarised as “Wherever you go, there *you* are”.

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Amanda van Mulligen

Agree completely – running back at a moments notice is just not possible at all times. I also think sometimes the fact that you are so far away there causes problems back home because things are not easy to fix with the people you leave behind.

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Amanda van Mulligen

Interesting! Absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say!

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Amanda van Mulligen

I think that if you live somewhere expecting to be able to live like you did back 'home' then you are in for a disappointing time abroad.

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Amanda van Mulligen

Definitely! I can remember the moment that happened – it's nice not to be homesick anymore!

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Ingrid Schmoutziguer

This list really made me smile; so true all of it. I've done it three times, but find that now when I am 'back home', I need this list more than ever. So thank you Amanda for reminding me!

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Eco Gites of Lénault

Number 10 is the one we find hardest to get some people to believe – they think a life in France is all wine and sunshine where-as in fact I reckon we work harder now than we did before we left the UK. A different kind of hard and an enjoyable one but it is certainly not a holiday!

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Brynn

Number 10! No, it is not a holiday, and a surprising number of people back home think that it is. No, expat life is regular life but now in a different language or at least with a different accent. It's going to be hard but that's where number 3 comes in. Every negative feeling does end. A lesson I hope to teach my daughter.
Great lessons! All of them!

comments user
Elizabeth Newcamp

I'm finishing up my first week as an Expat here in the Netherlands and can hopefully keep these in mind as I go through the process. I'm still in the “wait am I on vacation phase” as we are still getting settled.

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Ersatz Expat

Completely on the point – every one!

comments user
tinyexpats.com

Agree with it all! I like, how being an expat made me more adaptable. It makes you realised, that things are not that important in the end – you can always learn to do without one thing or another. What is important is your attitude and positive outlook.

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La Torontoise

Amanda, I agree with that all. But how to possibly deal with those feeling that are traceable to aspects that are irreparable? in fact, i have one feeling in this category and it's traceable to two facts: the combination of cold summer and high taxes. The joint impact of these two aspects drew us to a point to purchase a vacation apartment in the South of France, so that we secure some sun for us in the summer months and any time when rain here just feels too much:-)
I evaded the harsh Canadian winter and do enjoy the mind winter climate here:-)
But little I knew about the overcast and he low temperatures in the summer:-(
We ended up spending thousands of dollars flying to the South of France and other warm places in the world, for all our vacation days. The Netherlands now became the place to work, and the real life is actually happening elsewhere. I'm actively think on how to resolve this and so far did not come up with a viable solution. i must say, i'm working hard on this…
Just a thought…
Have a great day!

comments user
Panjo

Hi, great blog. I noticed though that this blog is hosted on a South African domain server, are you living in South Africa now ?

comments user
Amanda van Mulligen

Hi there, no I'm still in the Netherlands- it's something blogspot does!

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Stuart | Invading Holland

3 and 4 where huge lessons for me to learn. Discovering that every negative feeling has an end was a painful one to get through but I’m glad I did. I almost left the Netherlands at one point. I’m so happy now I stayed long enough to come out the other side of the negative feelings I was having at the time.

    comments user
    Amanda van Mulligen

    Just think what we all would have missed out on had you left the Netherlands!!! It really is a hard lesson to go though – the negative feelings that feel like they will never end. If only we had been told they were a natural part of a move abroad!

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