Contemplating moving overseas for love? Then read on. I have been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt. There are challenges (read to the end for a list). For sure. Like what do you call yourself? Are you an expat? An immigrant? A local? Or something in between?
What’s An Expat?
When I moved abroad I technically became an expat. Wikipedia describes an expatriate as “… a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country and culture other than that of the person’s upbringing or legal residence.” Yep, that’s me.
But the difference between expats lies in the “temporarily or permanently residing” part of the definition.
Living Local But Not Native
When I first moved to the Netherlands I found a job in an international company that employed local Dutch staff, but also staff on expat contracts. These expats were not like me. They had moved overseas with this company to work. I had moved independently (borrowed trailer and all) to be with a Dutch partner. They put me on a local contract. But of course, I wasn’t quite a local. Not then.
After three or four years, these other expats moved on to other assignments in other countries or repatriated back to their ‘home’ countries. After four years I was still there, with no intention of leaving any decade soon. Still on a local contract but not really a local.
There Are Different Kinds of Expats, and Also Those of Us Who Are Not Expats at All
Two different types of expats. But with very different needs. Very different issues.
Through my career in human resources and as a writer, I have delved into a world full of expat issues and phrases; trailing spouses, third culture kids, portable careers, international schooling, cost of living allowances, spousal work permits, relocation and settle services, the 35% ruling, rotation schemes, home leave… Lots of expat related terms; none of them applicable to me.
It made me feel like a fraud calling myself an expat. Once I realised I was staying in the Netherlands, I considered myself an immigrant. I was here for the long haul, not a ‘temporary assignment’.
And so now, I don’t even consider the term expat as coming anywhere close to a description of what I am. Or was. I am an immigrant. But I am now also Dutch. (No, really, I mean actually Dutch – I can now vote and have a Dutch passport). And British. And I am as close to being a local as I will ever get.
Moving Overseas for Love Brings Issues With It
Those of us that move overseas for love, those that move abroad independently without the support of a company and the guarantee of a job on arrival, face different challenges than those temporary expats moving between expat assignments.
Don’t get me wrong, those guys certainly have their own set of problems, but they are not the same as ours:
- a backwards step in our career;
- job hunting in a foreign language in an unfamiliar job market;
- a stream of endless paperwork without external help to legitimise our stay;
- the cold, sharp shock of in-laws who speak an unknown language;
- our own kids that speak two languages;
- a ready made circle of friends we struggle to express ourselves with;
- a fear of the mundane daily tasks that require interaction with the locals;
- a loss of independence;
- a lack of common culture with our own offspring;
- a missing knowledge about the world we find ourselves living in.
Most people moving abroad face similar challenges. What really separates one person from another is the temporariness of the challenges. For those of us that moved abroad to be with partners, we chose to make a foreign land our home. There is no contract end after three years. There is no get out clause after four years. We signed up for a life with a local.
We are not expats at all. We’re closer to being locals. But we’ll never quite be natives.
Reading Tip: 8 Things to Think About When You Marry Someone From Another Country
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